Although each relationship has its own way of operating, most experience a series of stages of a similar nature. Similarly, you too would have experienced these stages; overcoming a series of obstacles before finally pronouncing the longed-for “yes, I do.” Expert psychologist, Jed Diamond explains below the 5 stages couples may potentially go through, all of which we pay very close attention to!
1. Falling In Love
Falling in love “cannot be explained, it can only be felt, known and smelt” according to Jed Diamond. It is a wonderful feeling, but also treacherous. He further goes on to note “In that catatonic state, in which the human being becomes a puppet, an irrational being, a personal project, the hormones explode and all desires seem possible”. Therefore, the stunned state causes the person on the other side to “look like our soul mate”, the being with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives. We are not going to deceive you: the feeling is powerful; but beware, as it has a touch so surreal, you’ll have to wait a little bit to know if that particular person is really the love of your life. Maybe not … but maybe yes!
2. Beginning of relationship
This is where it starts to get serious. Here we begin to entertain the idea that this person is someone important, although we are yet to find out “how” important they are. To identify how important they are, we face some decision making processes where there are weighty decisions, much more serious than choosing a movie for a friday night or a restaurant for dinner, that need to be made, such as: marriage and children, although this really depends on the couple. The beginning of the relationship is the real test, it is not that everything goes down from now on, but aspects such as security, protection, and trust come into play. What seemed like a romance novel has become a reality.
The Cotton Test! This is where you check if a relationship has a future or if it is ready to receive a burial. Why? Because the real personality of the other is discovered. Over time, the physical becomes a background and the daily details, behaviour, reactions and decisions are brought to light. It is in those moments – when the first crisis arrives, that we are often disappointed and as a result learn to mould and value certain things more.
Overcoming obstacles, barriers and unforeseen event helps you both become and stronger and more compatible couple. In that moment of relaxation, life is built on a very solid foundation. This situation is important because one accepts the other person with their virtues, but also with their defects. This is true love, real love, and very different from the one that emerges in those first months of relationship where we are more blinded.
5. Change the world
From here, you begin to build your own universe. In that universe, there are many monsters, but also enough material available to be able to fight them. So, all possible plans are put into view so that life can continue its course and that your love serves for something more than just the basics: you have a project of life and you both are the main architects to shape and live for. Children? Business? Whatever comes your way, you both are ready to spend the rest of your lives together and happy.
If you have passed the third barrier, congratulations! You have a great, healthy relationship, because both good and bad situations have surfaced and as a result allowed you to shape your life and future the way you would like it.